THE MAKING OF AN ATHEIST.

To have a faith without a self in mind is a very tough thing to do and obviously I was not able to get myself enlisted in the list of people who have done so. Having truly questioned the existence of god from the core of my heart and after making fun of all the mythology that exists…cross questioning the logic and classifying everything that was so classified in them, somewhere I visited the temples to beg and to plead for the things which I truly wanted. But, to have faith and to have a faith with a purpose are two different things. When you believe, you must believe completely…either as the one who closes his eyes while praying with all the faith in him…or as the one who keeps an eye open while praying to watch the ones with open eyes too.

 To mention him in all the bad that happened to me and also to mention him in all the good that happened was a thing I never forgot. But who am I to judge the future on the basis of the events of the present. As they say, whatever happens , happens for good. Maybe it has a meaning. Maybe when I feel that what is happening to me is not good , then, somewhere in the future that thing would be of some vitality to my existence in the state I would be in then.

 For all these years, after all the losses I have made, I agree they are not too much…but they have definitely given me a cause to think and to introspect. A scrutiny of all the things which occurred make me realize that whatever happens is the cause of the actions of one’s own. No supernatural elements are to be blamed. Even if they play a role, then perhaps their contribution is not too much. It all depends on how you make things more and more favourable or adverse for yourself. No one can ever say that he never had a chance. You always have one. May be you ignore it…may be you overlook it…but there’s always that one possible dimension which you could have had chosen.

 My hatred for God increased when he didn’t give me the things I asked for. Now I realize that it was a bit childish on my part to do so. I blamed him and my fate for all the bad happened to me only to realize later that I got into situations and got out of them only at the will of my own and not at anyone else’s command. I realized that when someone comes and asks you for something then, sometimes you give it to him and sometimes you don’t…sometimes you are not in the capacity to give it to him. But, that doesn’t give anyone the right to blame if the wish remains unfulfilled. After all, we all have limitations, limitations to get and limitations to give. It is one’s self commanded act to give and more than that to give happily. We cannot deserve everything coz there is always someone more deserving than us. Neither is anyone perfect nor is anyone the best.

 Faith has its fruit and false faith has its toll. I am not a believer…coz I love to take the credit of things I achieve rather than crediting him for it. Good happens and so does bad. But that cannot make pointing out a finger, just. To be responsible for every action you perform and to take the responsibility for the result of your actions shall be regarded as just, as far as one is concerned. It is your life. You have the ability to take it the way you want to take it in.

 And for the selfishness that I portrayed . I believe I have set new guidelines for myself. The theist in me was only an excuse for all the faults which I was not ready to accept. You can fool the world but not yourself. Only to ensure a cent percent in everything . Only to ensure prevention of escapism further  and  to prevent all the wrong which I did and did not accept. Only to ensure that I don’t christen the wrath of my deeds in his name . Only to ensure a faith in its true sense . With all the faith in myself and in my deeds and with all the respect for all the ALMIGHTIES who exist, there’s a code I will follow. Neither will I curse YOU. Neither will I shower abuses at YOU. Neither will I ask for anything from YOU. But my belief in YOU shall lie neither..